Archive for July, 2012


The story behind this song as I was producing it:

… tired.  I can’t even remember how long I’ve been in descent of the mountain, passing through a thick forest with canopy so thick that I could barely tell if it was day or night.  I was tired.  I had finally reached a clearing but by then it had been nightfall.  My body protested as I lay down my pack and the small bundle of dry wood that I had collected in through the woods earlier in the day.   This journey has been a long one and all I can think about these days is rest.  As I slowly kindled a small fire, I realized that this journey was difficult not because of my body, but, rather, because of my mind.  And my mind was tired.   As I closed my eyes and lay myself down upon the grass, I could feel a strong night breeze wrap itself around the clearing.  It only took a few moments before the soft lullaby of the rustling leaves put me to sleep.

My body slowly awakened to what seems like a beckoning from afar- a faint and inaudible whisper of my name. I slowly sit up and survey my surroundings, but not a single soul was nearby.  Yet this feeling of the beckoning swelled up even deeper in my chest.  My heart was tense as I struggled to make sense of what was going on.  There was but a hint of light in the sky, the entire terrain faintly lit only by the dim blue light of a sun not yet risen.  Someone was there.  I knew it.

… and then a voice, distant but audible.

“… remember.”

I quickly stood up, trying to locate the source of the voice.


As I tried to speak, my voice became caught in my throat, and no sound emerges.  Who and where are you?  was the silent demand of my heart that I was unable to articulate.

“… remember!”

And it was then I knew.

 I can’t do it!  I can’t finish this!  You picked the wrong person!  This wasn’t what I asked for!  There are other more suited for this!  You KNOW I’m going to fail!  As I already have so many times along the way!  Just let me give up already!

There was no voice this time, only silence.  I looked into the deep forest, hoping that the presence had left.  Was I free?  Released from my call?

And it was as if the sun had jumped from its place as the clearing was flooded with light.  I turned, blinded by both the brightness and the beauty of the dawn.  The entire land that lay before was revealed, a sight I had not seen since I had been traveling through the thick canopies.  As I turned my attention to the land before me, I saw the smoke of many dying flames that dotted the valleys.  A tight knot started to form in my stomach.  And I remembered.

“Here am I.”

The words that overflowed my heart and out of my mouth, the first words and only words I could speak.  I remembered those words, spoken by a passionate youth long ago.  I remembered my commitment… but the tiredness didn’t go away.

The journey will won’t be any less painful, the path any less difficult.  I won’t fail any less and nor will I truly ever be good enough to complete the task that was set before me.  Yet I will remember.  I will remember every bit of grace that was shown to me through my mistakes and weakness.  And with the same unchanging grace that He shall me carry through.  I am tired.  But this tiredness I shall gladly embrace.


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